DarkHorse Ministries
← Back to Spiritual Experiences"You Have Found Your True Self!"
While in the scientific workplace in the mid-nineties, I was the recipient of some attempted sabotage by a co-worker that was not happy with the job that I was doing. The truth of the situation was that my job performance left something to be desired. At this time in recovery, I found myself in a rapid period of personality change. In college, I had majored in science without knowing myself or my interests. As I was now discovering myself years later, I was finding that I could literally no longer stomach scientific work; my heart just wasn't in it. It was no longer 'who I was.' The net result was that I was in fact not doing a very good job and this particular coworker just didn't like it.
One evening before going home, I edited a particular set of data at least ten times and saved each successive copy in a separate file. On the following day, when I searched for the file to resume my work, it was not in my directory. I was certain that I had saved it numerous times and knew that at least one of these files should have been on the hard drive. I then did something that I would not normally do. Rather than follow my usual inclination, by running to my supervisor and making accusations, I decided to quietly call the computer department of the company and ask them how to go about protecting my data files from intruders. I then followed their instructions, so that no one else could access my data.
In the process of doing this, someone overheard part of my conversation and told my supervisor. She came out and said to me: "Oh, you can't be serious, no one would do this!" I then just quietly and respectfully owned my reality, rather than getting into codependent fear that I was upsetting my boss. For the next few hours, I continued to stick to my guns and didn't back down, while at the same time, not making the situation any worse. I allowed myself to simply know what I knew, and that was that. As I went to a pay phone during lunch, an inner male voice coming from the center of my chest said: