DarkHorse Ministries

"You Have Found Your True Self!"

In college, I had majored in science without knowing myself or my interests. Years later, I found the technical workplace increasingly hard to stomach. My heart and soul were simply not in it. It was no longer who I was. At this time in recovery, I also found myself in a period of rapid personality growth.

One evening before going home, I edited a particular set of data at least ten times and saved each successive copy in a separate file. On the following day, when I searched for the file to resume my work, it was not in my directory. I was certain that I had saved it numerous times and knew that at least one of these files should have been on the hard drive. In other words, I knew that some sort of sabotage or practical joke had occurred.

I then did something that I would not normally do. Rather than follow my usual inclination, by running to my supervisor and making accusations, I decided to quietly call the computer department and ask them how to go about protecting my data files from intruders. I then followed their instructions, so that no one else could access my data.

In the process of doing this, someone overheard part of my conversation and told my supervisor. She came out and said to me: "Oh, you can't be serious, no one would do this!" I then just quietly and respectfully owned my reality, rather than getting into codependent fear that I was upsetting my boss. Until lunch break, I continued to stick to my guns and didn't back down, while at the same time, not making the situation any worse. I allowed myself to simply know what I knew, and that was that. As Pia Melody wrote in Facing Codependence, I simply "owned my reality in moderation." As I went to a pay phone during lunch, I almost jumped as an inner male voice, coming straight up from the center of my chest said:

"You have found your true self."