DarkHorse Ministries

A Saving Voice from Darkest Night

While living alone in a garage room flat, I spent long periods seemingly unable to imagine any hope for a better life. From my view, I was hopelessly lost and trapped in a life situation that literally was a waking nightmare. There were times that I would wake up, and my whole body would suddenly flinch when I realized my identity and how screwed up my life was. I had frequent thoughts of suicide, approaching a weekly and even daily basis. Then one night I was awoken by a very brief yet loud, high-pitched yelp from the area of my throat. I somehow knew that it was my inner child saying in the only way it could: "Hold on buddy, you'll make it somehow!" This experience and others like it, were the very few lighthouses in the incredible storm of my life, that gave me the hope to somehow go on living. This same experience would occur one other night within a year or two. Years later, after much work in recovery, I lay in bed one morning half asleep. I saw a low gray-contrast vision of my adult self on a bicycle, slowly gliding past my childhood self walking with several friends in the old neighborhood . As I turned to look back, a calm familiar, yet fleeting voice softly whispered "Hey buddy!"