Between 2000 and 2002, I began to sense a powerful mystical truth deep within my being. It came as a result of my trying to live a spiritual life and I just intuitively knew it was true. This strange inner knowledge or 'gnosis' both fascinated and baffled me. It most definitely was not of this world. I would sit in a recovery group and try to share it with others with the only words that felt adequate. I was often accused of being too deep, but I continued to share this sacred truth in the hope that it might benefit others in their spiritual journey. Indeed, in the years that followed, I would increasingly speak this language of the soul.
I would share that I somehow knew that, "God had stamped a code on my heart before I was born." In my earlier life, I was unaware of this code and I repeatedly violated it, with the result that I constantly hurt others. I eventually came to understand that I was simultaneously harming myself. I was unknowingly driving a wedge between myself and God and making it increasingly difficult to get back to Him. It made no difference that I did not know that this was happening. It happened just the same. At least from my human perspective, I was separating myself further and further from God.
The twelve-step process of healing has the end result of being "happy, joyous and free." I have come to experience that this is a description of my natural state, the state of blessedness for which I was created. My soul was formed from a spiritual blueprint. However, my self-will had distorted my being, with the result being the feeling of dis-ease inherent to any disharmony. The twelve steps are therefore the spiritual principles, which when acted upon, restore me to my natural created condition of wholeness.