DarkHorse Ministries

Dream: A Difficult Amends

Years ago in my recovery, I was overwhelmed because I knew that I had to make a very difficult amends for my past behavior. The nature of the situation called for a apology not only to the individual involved, but also to an entire group of men. I had felt for a long time that I needed to admit that I was wrong, however my offence was unknown and was much too easy for me to conclude that what they did not know would not hurt them. It was also a situation where the other person had done more to harm me and had never apologized. I reacted out of resentment and therefore felt somewhat justified in my behavior. One night before going to sleep, I was worrying incessantly, and I finally let go and asked God to show me how to go through with it. This is the miraculous dream that answered my prayer and en-couraged me to do the right thing:

I am in a large men's meeting. I actually opened my mouth to confess, but nothing came out. My awareness then switched out of the dream to myself asleep in bed. From within my chest, I hear a click as if a machine switch is flipped on, followed by a pervasive industrial hum. I simultaneously feel a strange physical structure in the center of my chest, that appears to have a three-point frame and I see a red glow coming from the entire area. My awareness then shifted back to the dream, where I was now standing alone in a room, still fearing that I am unable to speak. I was then abruptly picked straight up into the air, seemingly from the back of my neck. I am saying "Hey, whoa!" I was set down roughly on my knees and skidded several inches to a stop. My view then switched so that I was observing my praying body from behind. I saw the bottoms of my bare feet, and noticed that the number two is burned into the insole of one of them.

The entire dream then repeated itself verbatim, except that the number six is burned into the bottom of my other foot.

I thought about the meaning of this amazing dream for several days, with no success. Finally, I asked myself "what do you do with your feet?" The answer was 'you step,' … Step Two, Step Six! The key to how to make the amends was contained in steps two and six, as stated:

Step 2: We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step 6: We became entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

I later made the amends. That night while asleep, I heard a male voice of wisdom say, "You did the right thing." This was the voice of the Self.

So this is how I was taught from within, that 9th and 10th steps are accomplished by coming to believe in a Higher Power that will do for me what I can not do by myself alone, and by my becoming entirely ready and willing to let go of my pride, resentment, fear, dishonesty and self-centeredness.